Thursday, December 20, 2007

Alan Greenspan: “Yes . . . I’m Not, Not Senile?!”

UPSTATE NEW YORK...12/20/07 2:00 pm EST... Giving a press conference from the bedroom of his new home, the Happy Trails Home for the Aging, former Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan, was asked if his arrogance, or perhaps stupidity, had caused the dot com and/or current housing crises. Remarked Greenspan, “My roommate and me . . . we eat paste.” Asked then if he, acting as director of the U.S. Federal Reserve, had any personal responsibility for those two catastrophic U.S. economic crises, both of which occurred in the last ten years of his tenure, Greenspan remarked, “Pooooooooopy.” Asked then if he had even slightest clue what the Hell was going on, Greenspan remarked, ”Yes . . . I’m here to drop interest rates – right?”
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AUTHOR’S NOTE: As referred to in the piece above, two of the worst economic crises to ever hit America occurred in the last ten years of Greenspan’s watch. The sick thing about it is, both crises were obvious before they occurred; especially the housing market crisis - you simply cannot indefinitely sustain 30% annual appreciation in home values. Yet Greenspan, probably under direction or threat from Bush, continued to lower interest rates, time and time again; without even the slightest warning to consumers about the perils of adjustable rate mortgages [ARMs]. But hey, when you’re mired in an illegal war, and you need more money for bombs, then you simply ask the Democrats - right? And when they can't pay, then you turn to the Chairman of the Federal Reserve and tell him to de facto print money. I tell you what, it’s absolutely unbelievable how ignorant our elected officials are - seriously, some of them are COMPLETELY ignorant. But then again, from the perspective of their handlers, perhaps that’s the whole point. Well, as a final thought, my article only scratches the surface when it comes to Greenspan, so watch the video below. It's over 5 minutes long, but worth watching!!!

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tony Blair: “I Hate My Job”

GAZA STRIP…12/18/07 6:15pm EST…Speaking to reporters while being shuffled from one armored car to another, former British Prime Minister, and current “Mid-East Peace Envoy,” Tony Blair, bristled with anger as he stated “I hate this job . . . I was told I’d only have to do it a couple months . . . and then I’d be made partner in an investment banking firm in Switzerland . . . so why am I still here Mr. Bush?” Quizzed by reporters about his comments, Blair added “Listen, if you actually believe I was fighting terrorism in Iraq . . . then you’re a bigger idiot than I was for trusting them.” Asked if he planned to resign, Blair added, “No . . . I’m stuck here . . . they’ll expose me if I cross them.”
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AUTHOR’S NOTE: If you're visiting this blog, then you need not be told that Tony Blair was more or less the entirety of the “coalition of the willing.” However, what is not so obvious is the revolving-door policy top neo-conservatives have when it comes to employment. In other words, try as we might, we the people of the world cannot seem to rid ourselves of people like Tony Blair and Paul Wolfowitz. Both men have lost their jobs recently - in Wolfowitz’s case he’s lost a couple - only to re-emerge elsewhere in another position of power. Look it up for yourself, you’ll see. Curiously enough though, it’s not entirely clear what Tony Blair’s current job is. If he is the quartet’s “Mid-East Peace Envoy,” then why was he not involved at Annapolis? Of course this also leads to questions about the "quartet's" [specifically Russia and the U.N.]actual role in the peace process. I heard rumors Blair was “advancing economic development in the Palestinian territories,” but that’s about it. So what is Tony doing over there? As you ponder that question, watch the video below of the “coalition of the willing” in action.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Sen. Larry Craig Implicated in Wiretapping Scandal

KOCKRING, IDAHO...12/17/07 7:00am EST... Responding to newly surfaced reports proving his involvement in the forming Bush/Cheney Wiretapping Scandal, Senator Larry Craig (R ID) stated, "I have long been a champion of family values, straight-marriage, guns and patriotism, so I will not comment on my involvement." Asked by a reporter to explain why the reports indicate that he personally surveiled, from his Senate office up to twenty hours per day, the phone number 877-BIG-DICK, which is known to be a proprietary sex telephone number, Craig responded "Again, I'm a champion of family values . . . and I was, umm, conducting research for upcoming legislation." Asked then why his left forearm is twice the size of his right forearm, Senator Larry Craig reponded "Well . . . ummm, my research is very thorough."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: As is widely known, the "Big Brother" concept is central to many conspiracy theories. However, given the emerging Bush/Cheney Wiretapping Scandal, it appears they might be on to something. Stated another way, central to the American form of government is the principal that We the People are sovereign, not the government. That in contrast to Old England, where the Crown was sovereign, not the people. Hence, in America we have a government that is by the People, of the People, and for the People, not a people that is by the Government, of the Government and for the Government. So as eavesdropping technology advances, and our government becomes increasingly paramilitary, we have to ask ourselves "Who the hell is in charge here?" Are We the People in charge of our government, or is our government in charge of us?" If We the People are in charge, then ALL information regarding Bush/Cheney wiretapping must be made public and ANY corporation that assisted MUST be held legally liable. That in contrast to what the Bush administation is currently seeking: closed records and immunity for complicit corporations. Well, one way or another we'll all soon see who's sovereign. In the meantime, watch the short video below, which gives insight into the emerging Bush/Cheney Wiretapping Scandal.
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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Joseph Lieberman: "I'm, Ummmm . . . Republindependemocrat"

NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT...12/16/07 6:45pm EST...At a town hall meeting today, which was organized by his constituents on the front lawn of his home, Senator Joseph Lieberman (? CT) was asked to specifically state where his loyalties lie. Lieberman responded, "My loyalties lie with my party, my people and my country." Asked then to clarify which "party, people and country" he was referring to, Lieberman paused and then stated, "I am deeply offended by that vicious, hateful remark, because you all know darn well what I mean." Now avoiding tomatoes and rocks being thrown at him by constituents, Lieberman stated "Ahhh get over it you peons . . . you've known all along I don't give a rat's ass about Connecticut . . . and I won't until it has an army I can manipulate into attacking Middle Eastern countries. Being hauled away to be hung, Lieberman stated, "No wait, I have solution . . . yeah, the 2nd Amendment . . . how quick do you think we can raise a militia?"
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Joseph Lieberman has long been digging his own grave, so I won't help him here; not with this note anyway. What I will add though, is that if war is Lieberman's goal, and it appears he has no others, then historically and constitutionally speaking, Lieberman was right to initially choose the Democratic Party. Of course it takes more than a President to go to war, but looking back through history, America entered WWI under Democratic President Woodrow Wilson and then WWII under Democrat Roosevelt. However, after WWII, our enlightened politicians rid themselves of the pesky constitutional requirement of Congressional declaration of war when they ushered-in the new era of military advisorship and police action. During that time, America never actually declared war against another nation, but nonetheless we entered the Korean and Vietnam "Wars" under Democratic President Eisenhower; and of course Democrats Kennedy and Johnson escalated Vietnam. What came next though, was truly revolutionary, and it's called the Presidential War Powers Act. Passed by Congress in 1973, the Presidential War Powers Act, which is still in effect today, gives the President unilateral power to use war powers anywhere in the world for up to 90 days, without the slightest bit of Congressional approval. Clearly though, the U.S. Constitution does not authorize such Presidential war powers, and in fact negates them. Thus, one could easily argue that the Presidential War Powers Act is unconstitutional, not only for consolidating war powers into the Executive Branch, but also because it's an end-run around the difficult process of amending the U.S. Constitution. But alas, semantics wins the day as pundits and scabs argue endlessly the "precise" definition of war, and our Supreme Court does nothing about it. Thus, since the time of its passage, the Presidential War Powers Act has enabled America to be at constant "war." As a final thought though, unlike Democrats who declare wars they can actually win, Republicans declare un-winable, muti-generational wars against things like drugs, poverty and "terrorism." Curiously enough, while these Republican wars have not gone well, they have been very effective at funneling hundreds of billions of tax dollars to people, groups, and an endless list of government agencies, to "fight" these wars. What's the moral of the story here? I'll let you decide, but before you do, watch the short video below of President Eisenhower warning America to beware of its military industrial complex.
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Tom Delay: "Hey America, Go F&ck Yourself"

SUGER LAND, TEXAS...12/16/07 12:00pm EST...Earlier today, Former House Whip Tom Delay, who is best known for being the partisan force behind the Clinton impeachment, for jerrymandering Texas, and for being shamed out of office in the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal, gave a rare interview. Speaking to onlookers while he collected refuse from along a roadside, Delay nervously stated that he was "using the next couple hours to pay off his debt to society." With bystanders then calling for his public hanging, an agitated Delay stated "Fine, yell all you want you pathetic idiots . . . but just remember, when this sh!t's over, I'm cashing out my Swiss accounts and retiring in style." Quizzed by onlookers about the sources of the funds in his Swiss accountants, Delay stated, "I didn't say Swiss accounts . . . I said . . . Miss Malounts." Again hearing calls for his public execution, Delay stated, "You're all the same . . . never forget it . . . and also don't forget that in about two hours I'll be kicking back beachside, for the rest of my life . . . so have fun at work tomorrow, you pieces of sh!t."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Tom Delay is a perfect example of why D.C. is in shambles. He is a lying, morally-bankrupt, corrupt, shamed, disgusting excuse for a human being. Oh, and he let down his constituents, our country and humanity. However, you cannot fully understand the depths of his depravity until you've seen Bill Moyers' documentary Capital Crimes (about 90 minutes). Here's a link to Moyers' video: http://www.pbs.org/moyers/moyersonamerica/media_players/chapter1-1.html
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In the meantime, watch the short video below of Tom "The Hammer" Delay making us all proud.
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Saturday, December 15, 2007

Condi Rice: "Bibi Netanyahu is Stalking Me"

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL...12/14/07 10:00pm EST...Militant alarmist and Likud mouthpiece Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu apologized today just hours after slapping Condoleeza Rice in the face for "disagreeing" with him. Quizzed about the "disagreement," Bibi stated, "Condoleeza said her upbringing in the U.S. south gives her sympathy for the terrorists . . . so [she's] a terrorist too." Asked how he planned to address this latest threat, Bibi stated, "As a precursor to any peace settlement discussions, she must rid herself of her thoughts." Asked about public perception of such a move, Bibi stated, "She started it . . . all she had to do was agree with me."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: So long as Likud and Hamas are popular on opposing sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, Mid-East peace will be difficult if not impossible to obtain. Watch the video below to get a better idea of the pressures Ehud Olmert is facing. Ehud's no angel, but with peace being the goal, I wish him luck.
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Nicolas Sarkozy - "I Missed All The Neo-Con Fun"

PARIS, FRANCE...12/14/07 4:30am EST...Speaking at a news conference today, recently elected French President Nicolas Sarkozy fielded questions about France's newly acquired neo-conservative agenda. Shaking his head with disappointment, Sarkozy stated "My handlers and I came on the scene a couple years too late . . . we missed all the neo-con fun . . . the threats, propaganda, weapons-deals, wars, travel, speeches, backslapping . . . we missed it all." Again shaking his head with disappointment, Sarkozy added, "So to make up for lost time, we neo-cons have seized control of France." Quizzed about the wisdom of becoming the new world-leader for the neo-conservative agenda, Sarkozy stated, "We neo-cons have no choice . . . we've been thrown out of office in America, England, Italy, Japan, Australia - everywhere." Questioned then about the French peoples' willingness to adopt a policy of greed and empire building, Sarkozy stated, "We're betting the French will roll over and play dead."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Anyone who cares knows that under the leadership of Jacques Chirac, France resisted the U.S. neocons' illegal invasion of Iraq. A ferocious defender of diplomacy and international law, Chirac understood that change takes time, and hence, he had little patience for Bush's policies. However, Chirac's tenure ended earlier this year, and the French replaced him with Sarkozy. What's interesting is that almost immediately after the election, France became Europe's loudest sabre rattler. It's very curious how things change so quickly. Did the Neocons invaded France too? Watch the video below to decide for yourself. Oh, and and keep in mind that if O'Reilly is happy, then that's probably not good.
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Friday, December 14, 2007

Bill O'Reilly Fired by Fox News

SYKO, NEW YORK...12/14/07 4:26pm EST...Acknowledging today his complicity in the media propaganda machine that assisted the invasion of Iraq, sensationalist Bill O'Reilly admitted that he "publicly staked [his] career on WMD being found in Iraq." Stated O'Reilly, "My dismissal needs to happen . . . I have a dinosaur mentality from the 1950s . . . and I'm a man too, so I stand by my statement . . . I said it, I was wrong, and now my career is over." Asked what he planned to do, O'Reilly stated, "I'm a patriot madame . . . and a man of the people . . . I'm going back to my first profession - teaching." Asked where he planned to teach, O'Reilly stated, "Oh I don't know, whereever I can make $10 million a year selling coffee mugs to idiots."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was in college during the run-up to the Iraq War, and I distinctly remember driving to class one day while flipping the radio stations. Well, I came upon O'Reilly's show, and I'll never forget what he said. O'Reilly said, and I quote, "They will find WMD in Iraq: I stake my career on it." Well, no WMD and Bill's still blathering on our airwaves. I guess his word means nothing. Watch the video below for more of his award winning work.
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Scooter Libby "Too Short To Ride Roller Coasters"

SANTA CLARITA, CA...12/14/07 2:45pm EST...Former White House insider Scooter Libby met today with attorneys to finalize the dismissal of his appeal of felony convictions for obstruction of justice and perjury. After meeting for "several hours," Libby and his attorneys spent the rest of the afternoon "playing" at Six Flags Amusement Park. Stated Scooter, "I got candy and soda and pizza and tacos and candy and doughnuts and a funnel cake." Asked then why he wasn't riding any of the park's roller coasters, Libby responded, "They won't let me . . . I have to be at least four feet eight inches tall . . . but maybe next summer." Added Scooter, "I had a great time at the petting zoo . . . except when I almost got locked up." Quizzed about being "locked up," Scooter responded, "Yeah, I went in to pet the goats . . . and heard the cage closing behind me." Asked if he was frightened, Libby responded "No, my friends and I had the combination to the lock."
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VIDEO BELOW: RON PAUL ON SCOOTER LIBBY:
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Ann Coulter: "Which Next, Boobs or Adam's Apple?"

RUBY RIDGE, IDAHO…12/14/07 6:42am EST…Broadcasting from her compound in Idaho, best selling author Ann Coulter reached out with a personal request to her shortwave audience. Stated Colter, “Now that my beans and frank are finally gone, what do you, my adoring, gushing fans, think I should do next: More breast implants or an Adam’s apple reduction?” Within moments, a man calling himself "EndOfTime" responded "Getchur tits done." Agreeing, and gushing with flatery, Ann responded, "Okay, that's what I was thinking . . . but the only problem is I still have my man nipples." After a brief moment of thought, Ann laughingly added, "Oh well, I'll just go to some third-world Hell hole and buy some nipples off some third-world bitch that isn't going to use them for anything but overpopulation." Responding gleefully, EndofTime stated "Yeah, those third-world whores deserve what they get." Responded Coulter, "Amen, good buddy."
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hate is a strong word, and like other sensible people, I avoid it as much as possible. However, unlike most the personalities I profile on this site, I do actually hate (M)Ann Coulter. There, I said it - I hate him. He/She represents THE WORST that America has to offer: She's arrogant, culturally devoid, obnoxious, greedy, and the only people more ignorant than her, are her gushing fans. If you doubt that, then please, watch the following video, which hilariously profiles (M)Ann's unedited intellect.
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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Henry Kissinger: “Girrrrggle, merrrrrk, blaaacchht, burp.”

GOLAN HEIGHTS, ISRAEL…12/13/07 9:07pm EST… In an increasingly rare telephone interview, Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger provided insight into both the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian Conflict and the Annapolis peace process. Stated Kissinger, “Urrrb, giirrrggle, burp, toot, hacht, burp.” Quizzed as to the precise meaning of his statements, and after a several minute pause, Kissinger remarked, “Haacccht, blurrrp, blopper, birrrrgle, pluurrrb.” Not making headway with the interpretation, the reporter then asked Kissinger how he felt about his new status as a deceptive, secret-meeting, Pinochet Jr., New World Order laughingstock. Kissinger responded, “Blergle, heerrrp, globber, burble, glopper, burp."
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VIDEO: HENRY & HIS NEW WORLD ORDER
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Hugo Chavez: "I Love George Bush"

CARACAS, VENEZUELA…12/13/07 12:22pm EST…Speaking from his palace, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez heaped praise upon his American counterpart when he stated “I love George Bush . . . seriously, after oil, he’s the next best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Asked to clarify, Chavez stated, “If it wasn’t for Bush, what would I talk about?” Chavez then said, “Please George, after losing the vote to become dictator for life, I need some publicity . . . so I promise not to call you Devil or donkey . . . just please do something stupid – anything.” Asked what he meant by “something stupid,” Chavez stated, “I don’t care . . . an illegal war, a microphone with no script – anything, I’m desperate."
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VIDEO: BUSH ON CHAVEZ & DEMOCRACY.
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