tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18173220534296805442011-04-21T17:41:14.346-07:00Satirical Headline News for the Well-InformedIIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comBlogger211100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-21511977110193194832007-12-20T01:35:00.000-08:002007-12-20T02:55:32.345-08:00

UPSTATE NEW YORK...12/20/07 2:00 pm EST... Giving a press conference from the bedroom of his new home, the Happy Trails Home for the Aging, former Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan, was asked if his arrogance, or perhaps stupidity, had caused the dot com and/or current housing crises. Remarked Greenspan, “My roommate and me . . . we eat paste.” Asked then

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-91756001238434363802007-12-18T15:56:00.000-08:002008-05-17T12:07:02.924-07:00

GAZA STRIP…12/18/07 6:15pm EST…Speaking to reporters while being shuffled from one armored car to another, former British Prime Minister, and current “Mid-East Peace Envoy,” Tony Blair, bristled with anger as he stated “I hate this job . . . I was told I’d only have to do it a couple months . . . and then I’d be made partner in an investment banking firm in Switzerland . . . so why am I still

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-71869698127284699142007-12-17T01:31:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:10:18.654-08:00

KOCKRING, IDAHO...12/17/07 7:00am EST... Responding to newly surfaced reports proving his involvement in the forming Bush/Cheney Wiretapping Scandal, Senator Larry Craig (R ID) stated, "I have long been a champion of family values, straight-marriage, guns and patriotism, so I will not comment on my involvement." Asked by a reporter to explain why the reports indicate that he personally surveiled,

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-79331981296376938932007-12-16T23:57:00.000-08:002007-12-20T10:17:19.232-08:00

NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT...12/16/07 6:45pm EST...At a town hall meeting today, which was organized by his constituents on the front lawn of his home, Senator Joseph Lieberman (? CT) was asked to specifically state where his loyalties lie. Lieberman responded, "My loyalties lie with my party, my people and my country." Asked then to clarify which "party, people and country" he was referring to,

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-21159174810000601072007-12-16T01:57:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:11:09.078-08:00

SUGER LAND, TEXAS...12/16/07 12:00pm EST...Earlier today, Former House Whip Tom Delay, who is best known for being the partisan force behind the Clinton impeachment, for jerrymandering Texas, and for being shamed out of office in the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal, gave a rare interview. Speaking to onlookers while he collected refuse from along a roadside, Delay nervously stated that he was "

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-83783315188465280792007-12-15T00:51:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:11:34.165-08:00

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL...12/14/07 10:00pm EST...Militant alarmist and Likud mouthpiece Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu apologized today just hours after slapping Condoleeza Rice in the face for "disagreeing" with him. Quizzed about the "disagreement," Bibi stated, "Condoleeza said her upbringing in the U.S. south gives her sympathy for the terrorists . . . so [she's] a terrorist too." Asked how he planned to

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-76761242752596251332007-12-15T00:46:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:12:27.178-08:00

PARIS, FRANCE...12/14/07 4:30am EST...Speaking at a news conference today, recently elected French President Nicolas Sarkozy fielded questions about France's newly acquired neo-conservative agenda. Shaking his head with disappointment, Sarkozy stated "My handlers and I came on the scene a couple years too late . . . we missed all the neo-con fun . . . the threats, propaganda, weapons-deals, wars,

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-10063119390387675782007-12-14T02:58:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:13:23.903-08:00

SYKO, NEW YORK...12/14/07 4:26pm EST...Acknowledging today his complicity in the media propaganda machine that assisted the invasion of Iraq, sensationalist Bill O'Reilly admitted that he "publicly staked [his] career on WMD being found in Iraq." Stated O'Reilly, "My dismissal needs to happen . . . I have a dinosaur mentality from the 1950s . . . and I'm a man too, so I stand by my statement . .

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-66472697032322419322007-12-14T01:56:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:13:57.851-08:00

SANTA CLARITA, CA...12/14/07 2:45pm EST...Former White House insider Scooter Libby met today with attorneys to finalize the dismissal of his appeal of felony convictions for obstruction of justice and perjury. After meeting for "several hours," Libby and his attorneys spent the rest of the afternoon "playing" at Six Flags Amusement Park. Stated Scooter, "I got candy and soda and pizza and tacos

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-91318754550141390862007-12-14T01:24:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:14:23.102-08:00

RUBY RIDGE, IDAHO…12/14/07 6:42am EST…Broadcasting from her compound in Idaho, best selling author Ann Coulter reached out with a personal request to her shortwave audience. Stated Colter, “Now that my beans and frank are finally gone, what do you, my adoring, gushing fans, think I should do next: More breast implants or an Adam’s apple reduction?” Within moments, a man calling himself "

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-58530648759747556322007-12-13T15:19:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:14:53.247-08:00

GOLAN HEIGHTS, ISRAEL…12/13/07 9:07pm EST… In an increasingly rare telephone interview, Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger provided insight into both the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian Conflict and the Annapolis peace process. Stated Kissinger, “Urrrb, giirrrggle, burp, toot, hacht, burp.” Quizzed as to the precise meaning of his statements, and after a several minute pause, Kissinger

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-51012806910141446902007-12-13T09:37:00.001-08:002007-12-18T18:15:21.593-08:00

CARACAS, VENEZUELA…12/13/07 12:22pm EST…Speaking from his palace, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez heaped praise upon his American counterpart when he stated “I love George Bush . . . seriously, after oil, he’s the next best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Asked to clarify, Chavez stated, “If it wasn’t for Bush, what would I talk about?” Chavez then said, “Please George, after losing the vote

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-73129286666951088462007-12-11T15:10:00.001-08:002007-12-18T18:16:21.793-08:00

MACON, GA…12/11/07 5:20pm EST…At a rally for supporters today, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced his candidacy for the 2008 Presidential Election. Quizzed about his late start, Gingrich stated “The Republican Party is almost dead – literally – so I’m doing whatever I can to prolong the inevitable.” Asked then about his chances of winning the Republican primary, Newt stated “It’s going

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-10058060863280160212007-12-10T11:37:00.003-08:002007-12-18T18:23:44.726-08:00

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ . . . 12/10/07 6.42am EST . . . Speaking by telephone, former Assistant Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, and longtime love interest Shaha Riza, have confirmed that a sex tape of the two is circulating the Internet. Stated Wolfowitz, “Everything in my life is going wrong . . . not only is my doctrine of preemption a laughingstock, but I will be too when people see my

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-63855579448346251922007-12-09T15:46:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:24:05.260-08:00

KINLOVE, WV…12/09/07 6:27pm EST…Republican Presidential candidate Rudolf Giuliani’s first wife, second cousin, and third headache this week, Regina Peruggi-Giuliani, is seeking support for the period beginning 1982 up to last week, when their marriage was legally dissolved. Stated Peruggi-Giuliani, “It seems there was a mix up with the divorce. . . I told him to do it, he told me to do it . . .

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-68424553067422243582007-12-09T13:53:00.001-08:002007-12-18T18:24:25.247-08:00

FOURMAMAS, UT . . . 12/09/07 4:37pm EST . . . On a mid-campaign holdover at his home, Presidential candidate Mitt Romney revealed that “The intolerant nation of Vatican City has denied my brother . . . err, son, his sacred and honored opportunity to evangelize the New World gospel of our faith.” Romney further stated, “For several generations now we’ve sent missionaries to nations the world over,

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-57845411399500005302007-12-08T17:44:00.003-08:002007-12-18T18:25:05.529-08:00

NEW YORK CITY…12/09/07 3:48am EST…Former U.N. Appointee John Bolton gave a rare telephone interview this morning from his fortified home in New York. Located in an unspecified area of Manhattan, all that is known publicly about Bolton's fortification is that “it was formerly a co-op, with a view of the Hudson.” Stated Bolton, “I met a lot of resistance when I attempted to buy in…I didn’t have

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-37581034544106083432007-12-08T02:37:00.001-08:002007-12-18T18:25:18.519-08:00

BISMARCK, ND…12/08/07 7:15am EST…Former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld appeared this morning on the popular television show “Good Morning Bismarck.” Rumsfeld, a last minute replacement for “Tiny Thelma’s Tin Can Band,” was challenged by host Anita Biscuit about misinformation promulgated in the lead up to the Iraq War. Stated Rumsfeld, “If I have to plant it myself, we’re still gonna

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-82085253122208638322007-12-06T11:50:00.001-08:002007-12-15T00:31:23.144-08:00

BIGBUX, VA…12/06/07 12:15pm EST…Officials for U.S. Senator Trent Lott (R MS), who recently submitted his resignation effective year end, announced today that on January 1, 2008 he will become Chairman of the Board and CEO of Dirty Deeds, Inc., a multi-billion dollar U.S. security contractor providing war services in Iraq. While boarding his private Boeing 777, Lott was quizzed about the ethics

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-9161309551297982562007-12-06T11:43:00.000-08:002007-12-20T10:25:37.303-08:00

COALBURG, WEST VIRGINIA… 12/04/07 9:11AM…On Tuesday morning Vice President Dick Cheney traveled to West Virginia’s coal country to read his new children’s book Run, Fire Bombs Are Falling to a group of disadvantaged preschoolers. However, midway through the reading, Cheney alarmed handlers and children alike when he began speaking incoherently, tearing pages from the book, chiding the children

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1817322053429680544.post-46968591357633064042007-12-06T11:35:00.000-08:002007-12-18T18:26:37.381-08:00

NEW HAVEN, CT...12/03/07...12:05pm EST...On Monday Senator Joseph Lieberman (R CT) spoke at a luncheon for supporters at his home. Regarding the recently released NIE, which concluded Iran abandoned its nuclear weapons program in 2003, Lieberman cautioned the world "not to rely too heavily on U.S. intelligence." Lieberman stated, "I know Iran is building a death-star in outer space - I just know

IIIIreadingIIIIhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08893668546273597353noreply@blogger.com